Old Man Country by Thomas R. Cole

Author:Thomas R. Cole
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Oxford University Press
Published: 2019-03-07T16:00:00+00:00

That didn’t happen, of course. But Harper’s priest came to see him. They talked long into the night. The priest, seeing Harper so obviously troubled, asked what was bothering him. Harper answered that it was the fear of dying with half-finished manuscripts, dying without his life’s work complete. At the same time, John’s belief in an afterlife relieves the terror of total extinction.

Harper’s religious life has complicated familial roots. Two of his great- grandfathers were early leaders in the Disciples of Christ church community in Des Moines, Iowa. As a young boy, John would take the bus to church alone and sit in the first row, mesmerized by an old Midwestern minister. His parents, who often partied hard on Saturday nights, snuck in late and sat at the back. Although his parents had little interest in church, Harper joined the Episcopal Cathedral in Des Moines, where he performed as a soloist in the boys’ choir, fell in love with the liturgy, and felt called to the ministry. But year after year, decade after decade, Harper’s ministerial aspirations were pushed aside in favor of other interests. He became impatient with the church’s conservative positions on civil rights and the Vietnam War. He drifted away.

Harper was almost 50 years old when the call to ministry returned. At the time, in 1991, he was teaching at a university in southern France. He was lonely. With plenty of time to talk to himself and to God, he made a list of priorities: to think more seriously about ministry or a new career, to move out of his old-fashioned three-story Victorian house and dump all of his possessions, and to “divest” himself of his partner of approximately 6 years.

Sitting in Harper’s worn-down house, I wince when he uses “divest” to describe plans for leaving his partner—as if his partner were some kind of financial entanglement. His choice of words suggests detached calculation rather than mutual commitment and emotional closeness.

When he returned home from France, Harper made good on all three decisions: He moved out of his house, left his partner, and trained to become ordained a deacon. But there was another complication: Gay ordination was deeply controversial in the Episcopal church. Becoming a deacon was not for the faint of heart. He was fortunate that Carl Christopher Epting, the newly appointed bishop of Iowa, supported his ordination while warning him of the opposition he’d face. “No outed gay has been ordained here,” Epting told him. “It’s not a fate I would wish on a dog, but if you’ll agree to do it, I promise I’ll be right by your side every step of the way.”

Harper had nightmares of fights breaking out at his service—something that actually happened at an ordination service in New Hampshire. On the day of his ordination, the bishop reached the moment in the service when, as in a marriage ceremony, the officiant asks if anyone objects. The congregation was stone silent. No one coughed or moved. Then, for some reason, a member of the crowd giggled.

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